Evil Fish

At first, it was the mutant FUR BEARING TROUT.

An early example of the fur-bearing trout, this one from Vermont.

The species moved inexorably westward, becoming widespread in the mountains of the inland Northwest. This example was photographed by R.E. Marble of Belton, MT—did he live to develop the photo, or was the film recovered later from his abandoned camera?

According to the scholarly research on the reverse of this version, the FBT is found in “most of the high mountains of the world.” Has it scaled Everest solo, or was it short-roped up by a sherpa?

Fact: the most common locale for the FBT is Montana.

Still in Montana, the species mutated further. So enrapt was author Mel Kastella of Whitefish that he took up all the message space!

But then, after being stuffed and displayed for all those years…fish began to fight back.

In 1909, the resistance began as this bass beached itself to sample its first bite of human phalanges….

In this shot from 1913, the emboldened creature is determine to have an entire human leg, undeterred by the desperate efforts of the hapless lad’s companion.

No longer content to attack from the relative safety of the water, this monster thrusts itself forth to drown its victim. Note the rictus of horror of the erstwhile fisherman, who knows his last moment has come.


This lucky almost-victim manages to escape the beast’s razor-sharp teeth. But…why did he go in there in the first place? And what are we to make of the complacent unconcern of the other passenger, exhibiting apathy not seen again until the Kitty Genovese case?

This brave member of the resistance has appropriated the torture device of its oppressor. Hey, it’s just catch and release…no problem, enjoy.

Poor guy, not even fishing—you can see in his face that he knows what will follow. “They are biting well here” indeed.

Brokeback Mountain. The true story.