Spare the Rod....

Helpful child raising hints, the Dobsons-style!

The best way to instill moral values in children is to beat the crap out of them.

To be sure your child grows up well, don’t waste a SECOND to right the jam jar. Just let it pour forth while you whack your toddler. He seems to be looking entreatingly 100 years into the future, requesting that the human race get a clue….


And ah, the diverse weaponry!


Weapon: a strop. As time seems to be compressed in this one, it’s not clear whether the beating or the animal cruelty happened first.  It represents an ongoing cycle, I would imagine….


Weapon: a shoe. Note Mom’s pleased expression and possible brain damage from her own childhood “learning experiences.”



Weapon: some straw? More Dobson-style “Focus on the Fanny” childcare, this time occurring in a family of scarecrows.

Weapon: hairbrush. Mothers, always have one on your person! You never know when you will need to administer a fillip to your sinful children’s character.

This next lot are sort of Child Abuse Lite…something not quite right going on, but probably for the raising of good children.

Weapon: psychoactive drugs, apparently. Not sure about this one—science may have been called in to give theology a little help.


If the family’s security camera captures this incident, Santa’s going to be attending a treatment program once he’s sentenced.


Fun on the family vacation.


A 1500 pound tortoise with jaws like a bear trap…honey,  put the baby on its back, will you?